Update

There's a reason I haven't been blogging.  It extends past the usual excuses... I legitimately have been at a loss for words.  My life has been in an uproar and I didn't know how to speak without mentioning why.

I feel that the dust has settled enough for me to be upfront about it.  Honestly, the dust will never completely settle, but it is what it is.

I have been unable to tell you this through my own emotional blockage, but my father left us.  I am not going to go into much detail because this is a public blog, but it has broken my heart and made my life change entirely.  I will not be traveling to Belgium on the holidays as planned because I no longer have a home there.  My mom has moved here to live in Georgia and I will be living with her when I'm not at school.  It's now just the three of us: me, my mom, and my brother.

This has been the greatest heartbreak I have ever encountered.  It's taken all of my creative energy and flushed it down the toilet.  It has caused ripples in several relationships, and it has led to me crying more often than I'd like to.

On a day to day basis, I'm doing fine.  I smile and I mean it.  I have happiness in my life.  But every once in a while it kicks me in the gut.  Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe.  I struggle with anger, too, and have to hold my tongue more often than I like to.

One day, I won't cry anymore.  Some day it won't be new. Sitting in a room with just my mom, my brother, and me won't make me grieve.  But I will never be ok with it.

Even though this situation is the worst I've ever known, I still have so many blessings in my life.  I continue to be amazed at the loving behavior of so many people I know.  God provides for us with exactly what we need, and he regularly instructs us in patience. We've learned what real love means.

The only thing I ask is that you pray for us.  There's nothing more that we need than that.  And maybe soon I can write again.

With a heavy heart but a future hope,

Caroline

Pictures. Just Because.

The day before I left Brussels, I found a turtle in my backyard.  I looked out our window and just saw him moseying across the grass, hanging out in the sunshine.  So I whipped out my camera and took a picture of him (I named him Freddie Baby) and also took pictures of some more things for fun because the light was good.

I thought I'd post a couple here for fun.

Freddie Baby!  He was very nice.

The door of a little play house we had in the backyard. I love cracked paint.

Roses bloomed on our bush in the front yard right before I moved away!

The only wind chimes in the world that literally make zero noise.  But they look cool.

Anyway, that's all I've got for today!  I'm starting my first day at work this morning (I'll let you know how it goes) and I'm pretty nervous.  

Talk to y'all later!

Love, 

Caro

6 Blurbs

1---  It takes a lot to get me to do laundry, or to clean my room, or to do the dishes, or anything of that nature.  I procrastinate and hem and haw until I have no other recourse but to grit my teeth and do it.

But, oddly enough, once I do grit my teeth and get going, I always enjoy it.  I truly like organizing things, and I love the feeling of being productive.  It's a natural high to check something off of a to-do list, and it doesn't come with any guilt.  Nope.  It's pure, unadulterated satisfaction in something that took some effort.  And yet... I still groan when I have to do a chore. WHY can't I get it into my head that I enjoy it? 

2---  I want to get fit this summer.  I'm a stress eater, and I've been going through a lot of stress lately.  So I've started saying no to food, and not mentally.  I literally say "no" at the fridge. It works surprisingly well, and I haven't snacked at all today.  I also biked two and half miles on the stationary bike and speed-walked for twenty minutes on the treadmill.  I cannot let life get to me so I'm trying to man up and call the shots.

Why I do these kinds of things I can't explain.

3---  All of my shows have been disappointing me lately.  The Grey's Anatomy finale was dumb.  Dumb dumb dumb.  And Mad Men has been an absolute wreck lately, though I haven't seen the most recent episode.  And I had to stop watching Justified because it got too creepy for me.  The only show that I consistently enjoy is Modern Family.  Don't let me down, guys.

4---  I really love my brother.  I'm glad I've got such a good one.

5---  I think I decided what to do about my blog name, but I'll update that later.  I really appreciate all of your help/comments!

6--- American things I've missed?  Hulu, Pandora, no YouTube country restrictions, no language barrier, warm weather, being able to text my buds, fast laundry machines, family nearby, easy access to everything and anything, and did I mention no language barrier?

Love,

Caro

The Trip to End all Trips (No seriously I'm never getting on an airplane again)

Hey, y'all!  I'm officially no longer an ex-pat!  I couldn't be more excited.  I have to say, the culture shock has been kind of heavy, but otherwise, I'm jazzed.

Let me tell you what.  I was awake for over 26 hours straight flying over here, and that is not cool.  I do not do well when sleep deprived.  I haven't been sleeping well lately anyway, so I was already exhausted to begin with and flying across the world doesn't help with that.

My first leg was an eight hour flight to Philly.  I got a pat down and the lady dug through my carry-ons, and at one point, she accidentally dumped my suitcase out everywhere.  Stuff went flying, and I was worried because I had valuables and clothes in there.  I was so completely embarrassed.  Not to mention, I have four stitches on my rib cage and she was not uber careful when she was patting me down.  They need to chill, and BIG time.

On my plane, I sat next to a basketball player.  I'm pretty sure he was a famous player, too, because his face looked so familiar.  But then again, I don't know why a famous basketball player would be sitting in coach next to a nervous seventeen-year-old.  He was all arms and legs and took up half my seat with his elbow... but he slept most of the time so I kind of forgot he was there.  I didn't sleep because I caught a cold, somehow, halfway through the flight and I could really breathe.

At Philly, I had a sit down lunch/dinner/whatever of Chick-Fil-A, which eased all my discomfort.  Seriously, they make magic nuggets and the lemonade is kickin'.  And the fries?  Who are we even kidding?  Delicious.

On that flight, which I think was about three hours, I got a little nauseated (I don't like flying) so I took a Dramamine.  ROOKIE MISTAKE.  By the time I landed in Charlotte, I was delirious.  My eyes were rolling around in my head and pretty much nothing made sense.  Since I was by myself, I just kind of wandered around looking for my next terminal like a lost puppy, but I made it.

People looked at me like I was Hitler every time I sneezed or sniffled.  I'm not trying to kill you, fellow passengers.  I can't help the snifflies.  This one lady glared at me and proceeded to pump her kid with some hippie voodoo vitamin juice in a dropper every time I coughed.  It was a bummer but I didn't really know what else to do, and I was too drowsy to think clearly.

On the third and last plane, I fell asleep... sort of.  I wasn't fully asleep because I was semi-aware of what was around me, but I wasn't fully awake because my eyes were half closed and my head was kind of rolling around.  I was too sick feeling to even get water from the drink service, and only woke up enough to get off the plane successfully and walk to the baggage claim to meet my brother.  After that, I was weirdly wired all the way home.

My brother and our friend tell me I was super weird.  Saying weird stuff and laughing like a crazy person.  I remember a lot of it, but not all of it.  I just need to never take Dramamine ever again.

When we got home, I was kind of antsy until about 3 AM, so I tidied a little and I'm pretty sure I curled my hair.  Then I dropped into the bed and slept till noon.

Now, I have a cold, but I feel good otherwise.  Sleeping well, living well.

I'm sitting with him now in a cafe and we've got to go because we're going to eat at our cousins' house. I'll catch ya later, people.

Love,
Caro

Blog Name Change?

Hey, folks!

My grandpa (Hi, Papa!) made the point, very rightly, that I might like to change the name of this here blog since I'm moving back to the states.  I agree, and had actually been thinking the same thing myself!

My Papa threw out some titles, all of which I loved.  I got really close to picking Each End of Georgia, because I'll be living, well, in each end of Georgia what with college and family.  Also, his suggestion of Coon dogs and Cotton had a certain ring to it as well.  :)  My idea was to call it True Grits.

All of this got me thinking that maybe I should ask you guys!  Seeing as y'all are the ones who have to live with typing it and seeing it every time you read my blog.

So, let me know what you think.  Feel free to leave suggestions in the comments or just pick one that I've mentioned.

Thanks, y'all!

Love,
Caro

  

Little Things I'm Loving

///My mama making dinner.  I love her more than I can explain and her food... well, let's just say college is going to be a struggle without having access to it on a regular basis.

///A brand new Bible, complete with a pink cover and flowers.  I'm starting up a new Bible Reading program this summer, and I wanted a Bible small enough to carry around, and my mom found this cute one for me.  I had an ESV Study Bible that I'd been using before, and that doesn't exactly fit in my purse.

///Special K Dark Chocolate cereal.  This is a Europe thing and boy howdy.  It has rocked my world.  Good thing I found it shortly before moving away because having chocolate in my cereal every morning can't be healthy...

///Espresso.  We have a handy dandy espresso maker (which I will also miss) and it makes the most mouth watering coffee you can imagine.  

///Sharpies.  There's something about doodling with a thick, black Sharpie on pure white paper that, I swear, releases some endorphins. (And who doesn't love the smell of a fresh Sharpie marker?)

///Breaking out the summer clothes.  I love the colors of summer, and when I put on a bright shirt, my mood lifts.

Sometimes you get bogged down with everything that's going wrong, and that's when you need a camera.  Just run around your house and take pictures of things that make you happy, and that gratitude might put things into perspective for you.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. -James 1:17

Love,

Caro

The Haps

The countdown has begun.  I've got a job lined up in Georgia, I've got an empty closet in Georgia waiting to be filled with my clothes, I've got a bed in Georgia waiting to be rumpled by my sleepy body, and I've got my room here in Belgium almost ready to be packed out.

There are still a couple of piles here and there, and a large mound of things in the middle of my room to be shipped to my college.  This took me ages to manage, but I think I'm almost ready.

This week will be comprised of sorting things out and tying up loose ends, and then I'll leave.  I won't say what day I'm leaving because there are weird people on the internet, but it's too soon to believe.

I'm excited, scared, happy, sad... the works!  But the butterflies in my tummy are certainly cheerful butterflies for the most part.  Cheerful butterflies tend to exterminate the worried butterflies if you let them.  It can get pretty intense.

In other news, I'm trying to write again.  Nothing major.  Not a book or anything like that, but I'm trying to blog.  Also, I'm keeping a notebook in my night stand and forcing myself to journal every night, even if it's just a poem or two.  My love for writing nearly got knocked over by the fiction writing class I took, but I'm trying not to let it get to me.  I know I learned things from the class, but it killed my fire for a while there.  I'm going all Bear Grylls on the sparks, however, and trying to coax them back to life.  We'll see how it goes.

Oh, and hey, you'll know this if you're my friend on Facebook, but I graduated!  High school is over for good, and I'm mighty pleased.  I'm heading to college with a partial scholarship and I really do feel as if I accomplished something.  I tend to be a quitter, so finishing twelve years of school and getting a scholarship is a major gift from God and I am so blessed that he saw me through it.

Granted, school is mandatory, but you get the picture.

I'm excited!  And I'm watching lots of Gilmore Girls and sleeping in late and staying up late and it's wonderful.  Except for the (loads) of work I've had to do in my room to move out, I've been a summer bum and I'm embracing it till I start my job.  I've also noticed that, in conversations with fellow humans, I have been over-using the word "excited" so I think it's time to hit the thesaurus in all of my spare time.

So, off I go to watch some shows and then Skype with one of my sweetest friends.  I hope you all are having a great weekend.

Love,
Caro

P.S. Follow me on twitter if you so desire! Click click click here.

Name Game

There's something about your name.

It's something that's definitely yours.  Even if 400,000 people in the world have the exact same name, it's still, somehow, a mark of your individuality.  In your circle of people, you are the {insert beginning, middle, and last name here} of their world.  And if there are two people in their world with the exact same name, one of you has a nickname and people somehow manage to verbally distinguish you from the other {insert beginning, middle, and last name here}.

When you spend a lot of time with a child, there's a thrill when they first manage to say your name.  Even if they mangle it horribly, they're proclaiming that you're a person to them.  You're special enough to them to be distinguished from others they know.  And then you buy them a cookie and zerbertz their belly until they laugh and you're further burned into their memory.

When you grow attached to a person, they say your name a certain way that's recognizable.  Or maybe they give you a cute nickname that is only theirs to use.  But every time they say your name, there's a sort of endorphin rush that occurs.  I'm no scientist but I just know that it does something to you.

But sometimes you get tired of hearing it.  Some days you don't want to hear anyone call you or scream at you or tell you they love you, or to hear them tack your name on the end of their sentences.  Maybe you want to be nameless, just for a day, and wander through a town where no one knows you or your story.

I used to have a game every time I went into Jamba Juice when I lived in Hawaii.  The baristas always ask what your name is, to write on the smoothie cup, and I would never use my own.  But I would never plan it, either!  I would just say whatever came to mind at that moment.  I've been Cabriolet, I've been Jane, I've been Brita, and I'm fairly certain I've been Richard.  It's a fun game.

Someday I want to play that game again.  I want to tell someone I'm Amelia and put on accent. A brand-new persona.  Spend more money than I should because Amelia is rich.  Talk or laugh more than I normally would because Amelia is gregarious.

There's something in a name, and sometimes you just don't want to hear yours anymore.