So I want to talk to y'all about something.
Here's the thing.
This is very important.
Pay close attention.
I have a serious problem.
This has affected family, friends, and yes, even my own social standing. It's caused people to simply walk away from me, and yet there's nothing I can do to stop it.
Not snorting like I do drugs. Nope. I just plain ol' snort. Like a piggy. If I laugh too hard, I snort. If I try to hold in laughter at all, I snort unless I hold my nose. (I wonder how many times I'll say "snort" in this post)
It doesn't matter who I'm around. There's merely nothing to do about it! Not to mention, my laugh is like a mixture of a chipmunk and a dolphin anyway, and when you add the intermittent snorts, it's even more attractive.
Mom says it's ok. Heck, Sandra Bullock does it! I said that was only Miss Congeniality, but it seemed to work for her I guess. But when you make new friends and one of them makes a joke that kind of kills you, it's not a time you want to snort, no matter how congenially. That's the kind of thing into which you kind of need to ease people nice and slow.
Deviated septum? Who knows. Blocked something-or-other? Maybe. But it's madness and it's incurable and I'm sorry. I'm sorry to anyone who's had to sit next to me in the middle of any movie starring Hugh Grant, or to any kind soul who's been able to withstand the nuisance that is my past-midnight-everything-is-funny problem. The snorting could not have been easy for you to bear.
I'm not a serious person, at all, so this compounds the problem. Constant laughter. And, you guessed it, constant snorting.
*Other side effects of hanging out with me include: Embarrassment, headaches, higher risk of caffeine abuse, higher risk of sugar usage, panic attacks, lightheadedness, and PTSD. Do not hang out with me while operating heavy machinery.