Who are you?

I've resolved to no longer try, on any occasion, to be something I'm not.


There are a lot of things about me that I would like to change, but will never be able to.  I will always, for instance, be someone who struggles with words.  I will always have the temptation to speak before thinking.  Also, I will forever struggle with laziness.  I'd always take zoning out in front of a TV screen over studying or cleaning my bathroom.  Innate flaws in me, like these, will never just go away.  I will spend my whole life fighting against them, and that's something to which I just have to resign myself.  So in these respects, I will always try to be something I'm not, and that's what I'm called to do.  I have to constantly seek God in these areas of my life and pray for change on a daily basis.   


Instead of that, though, I've been burning my energy on trying to change things I shouldn't.  I've wanted to be something that I'm not because the things that I am aren't necessarily the most exciting things.  For instance, I often enjoy pop music more than indie music or classical music.  I know that it's too "mainstream" to enjoy a catchy pop song, but it is what it is.  When I listen to Bon Iver, I love it.  But the problem is that the melody is so mellow and soft that I just grow depressed and overly dramatic with every note.  However, when I turn on a Katy Perry song, no matter how horrible the quality may be on a musical level, I'm ready to groove and move and I'm probably grinning.  


Also, I've said before that I don't care about cultural standards of how my body should look.  In the words of Dwight Schrute: False.  I do care!  I've recently started changing my diet and will probably soon start exercising because I'm not happy with my body.  And it's not very popular to say this, but I'm glad I'm changing my body.  I feel more confident in myself after losing the weight I have lost, and I feel like I have more self control now.  I don't think it makes sense to stay chubby and call it a day because I'm "ok with myself however I look."  I want to be happy, and I think I'd be happier if I were healthier.  That may not apply to everyone, but for me, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the case.


Things like those are not things I should try to change.  If I'm not content with my body?  It's ok to not be content with it!  I'll do better.  If I have a more upbeat mood when I listen to certain music over how I feel when I listen to mellow, indie music, then I'll keep listening.  These things work for me.  There are many things about me that I wish were different and more exciting.  However, changing acceptable things about myself in order to put a cultural label on my forehead takes away from my energy to change the bad things about me.  The fight against real demons I struggle with should not be overwhelmed by a desire to please man and man alone.


I'm not a hipster.  I'm not an artist.  I'm not a musician.  I'm not an athlete.  I'm not any one thing in particular on any given day.


I'm a medley of a bunch of different things, and I have to focus on changing only what God would have me change.  He made me, he loves me, and I am the way that I am for his purpose.  And the beauty of this is that once we define ourselves in the name of Jesus Christ, that's the only title we need.  A Child of God.  With all of my quirks, he loves me and he accepted me into his kingdom.


Who are you? 


Love,
Caro

~Isaiah 43: 1-4~  "But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you...'"