Girls have it hard sometimes. It's not exactly right for us to go around asking boys out or chasing them. We all know that the ladylike thing to do is wait for that one guy who will chase us.
But it gets hard. In an era where feminists will tell you that it's ok to be the pursuer and that you don't really need a man anyway, but Christians are saying that you must be meek and wait and be silent, we girls can tend to get a little bit muddled.
Here's my opinion on the subject of girls and boys. Please let me know in the comments what you think about it! I'd love to have a little discussion about it with you guys.
First of all, I do believe that men should be the pursuers. I have it as a rule that I will never call the boy first, nor will I initiate any conversations unless it's something I absolutely have to talk to him about. This is not an arbitrary rule, but rather a gauge. (It also may just be Southern thing, but I like it!) I would much rather make note of whether or not he pursues conversation with me than never know, simply because I pursued it myself! It is acceptable, in my opinion, to respond with enthusiasm and mirth and honesty, but when the girl is the primary initiator, it simply makes her crazy with wondering why he never calls first. Granted, these "rules" are not super stringent. I don't have any issues with talking to boys, and it's ok if you don't believe that men should be the main pursuer! I, personally, would just much rather be actively chased so that I can know where we stand.
Second, I don't think that boys and girls have to go from nothing to everything all at once if they decide they like each other. The idea of dates is sort of flying out the window these days. I think courting is fine, and I actually think it's healthy and good. However, I don't want to begin the massive courtship "routine" with someone unless I know they're a viable candidate for marriage, if only because it's a lot of hullaballoo!
I don't think there's anything wrong with starting out by going on a date, or even a few. I don't think that going out for coffee and seeing movies and just eating dinner together before an official DTR (define this relationship) is a bad thing. If you go out for coffee with a guy, you may find that he's absolutely not the one for you, and it would save you an immense amount of frustration and, well, time! There's nothing dangerous about going out on a date, in my opinion, especially if you understand that it's just for get-to-know-you purposes. Granted, if you already know someone very well, like a close friend, dating first may be unnecessary. But I still don't understand why many Christians rule it out. I'd love to hear your thoughts on that!
Third, in regards to waiting, I feel your pain. I know that there are probably girls reading this who are fed up with waiting for the guy they like to say anything to give her some hope, and I completely identify with you all. And it is hard. It may sound trivial to some, but some girls (most, probably), are wired to want that. Girls are wired to love a man and want to be protected. There comes a time in your life where you walk around, and all you can see are couples holding hands and you don't understand why your hand feels so empty.
It hurts, and it's not a small matter.
I can't be a major encourager on this because I struggle with that so often. All I can do is give some advice that I think is hugely important.
- One: Do not settle. If you feel as if you've waited too long and just don't want to be alone, do not settle for the first guy that shows interest. Be discerning. Remember who you are in Christ and be encouraged that there's someone made for you.
- Two: Figure out what you believe. If you know your mind on issues like marriage, dating, courtship, and love in general, you will be so prepared, and it will help with your discernment.
- Three: Don't play games. Do not have your friend call your other friend to ask her friend if that friend knows if their friend of your crush knows if he likes you. Trust me on this one. I know you've probably done it, and I know I have too. And yet we all think we're so clever.... ;) This is where the waiting gets hard, but do it anyway. Games never end well because they're not honest.
- Four: What will be, will be. If a guy you like ends up with someone else, then he wasn't the guy. It hurts big time, and it just might break your heart. But keep hoping, because that just means there's someone better. If HE was good, imagine how much more wonderful YOURS will be!
- Five: This you've heard a million times, but don't give yourself away. You are too beautiful of a prize to be lost just because you were afraid of losing someone. Keep yourself, and once you find that one person for you, you will have no regrets.
Girls and boys... it's hard. But girls, do not fear being alone. Boys, do not fear going after the girl.
I think it's really as simple as that. When those two puzzle pieces of waiting and pursuing fit together, it makes for what can only be something beautiful.
I'd love to hear your thoughts, everyone!