Thursday, July 5, 2012

Update

There's a reason I haven't been blogging.  It extends past the usual excuses... I legitimately have been at a loss for words.  My life has been in an uproar and I didn't know how to speak without mentioning why.

I feel that the dust has settled enough for me to be upfront about it.  Honestly, the dust will never completely settle, but it is what it is.

I have been unable to tell you this through my own emotional blockage, but my father left us.  I am not going to go into much detail because this is a public blog, but it has broken my heart and made my life change entirely.  I will not be traveling to Belgium on the holidays as planned because I no longer have a home there.  My mom has moved here to live in Georgia and I will be living with her when I'm not at school.  It's now just the three of us: me, my mom, and my brother.

This has been the greatest heartbreak I have ever encountered.  It's taken all of my creative energy and flushed it down the toilet.  It has caused ripples in several relationships, and it has led to me crying more often than I'd like to.

On a day to day basis, I'm doing fine.  I smile and I mean it.  I have happiness in my life.  But every once in a while it kicks me in the gut.  Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe.  I struggle with anger, too, and have to hold my tongue more often than I like to.

One day, I won't cry anymore.  Some day it won't be new. Sitting in a room with just my mom, my brother, and me won't make me grieve.  But I will never be ok with it.

Even though this situation is the worst I've ever known, I still have so many blessings in my life.  I continue to be amazed at the loving behavior of so many people I know.  God provides for us with exactly what we need, and he regularly instructs us in patience. We've learned what real love means.

The only thing I ask is that you pray for us.  There's nothing more that we need than that.  And maybe soon I can write again.

With a heavy heart but a future hope,

Caroline

19 comments:

  1. Praying for you and your family, Caroline.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My family will be praying for y'all too, Caroline. <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh Caroline.... I will be praying. I have seen God work mightily in similar situations.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My heart aches for you, Caroline. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    Aunti Milda

    ReplyDelete
  6. Praying for you sweetie! I pray that God may extend his loving arm over you and those hurt. God Bless. <3

    ReplyDelete
  7. Love you girl. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Caroline, my heart is breaking for you, but I'm glad that you know God will always be there for you. I'll be praying for you and your family always. <3

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thank you all so much for your kind words. I appreciate every single prayer and encouragement.

    ReplyDelete
  10. We all love you guys so much and you have our prayers and friendship forever. Please don't hesitate to ask for what you need from any of us. You will always have a space in our hearts and lots of hugs from your boys! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm crying right now with you. I can't even imagine what it feels like for you right now but what I do feel now is pain. God be with you, Caro, and always always always cry out to Him. Love you and I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I don't even personally know you, Caroline, but I know people who have been in the same situation. I'm so sorry, and I will be praying for you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Caroline, dear, wonderful, amazing, Caroline, we all love you so, so much and our hearts break for you and your family. We're here for you, Caroline, but even more than us God is always there waiting to comfort you, something I believe you understand. You will always have our prayers and our love.
    Psalm 55:22

    ReplyDelete
  14. Caroline, We love you too and are praying and thinking of your family!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Caroline, I know there's nothing to say to comfort at this point in time... but we are praying for G-d to work mightily through this situation. May He sustain you during this time...remember He is carrying you. Know that His hand is on you and your mom and brother, and though you are in the night of sorrow right now, He has a purpose and plan through all this. He is refining, from the broken-ness to the beauty, as hard as it seems and sounds. I can't imagine the pain you're going through right now, but there is One who knows what it means and feels like. Much love and many prayers, Caroline. G-d bless. *wraps you in a big hug*

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh, Carolina, I am so sorry. I am praying for you and love you so much! The Lord is still in control.

    ReplyDelete
  17. i am so sorry caroline. :( you will be in my thoughts & prayers. xo.

    ReplyDelete

Rude, Vulgar, and/or Offensive comments will be deleted promptly. So play nice, kids. :)